Seafood Terrorism

In 2003 I found myself suddenly single again following the breakdown of a four year relationship. By way of coping with my new found singledom I decided to embrace a concept that was previously alien to me...that of going out 'on the town' on Friday or Saturday nights with your other single mates 'on the pull'! Usually this was just me and my workfriend, Cara, but sometimes other ladies tagged along too. I was single for about 18 months and in that time some of the things that happened to myself and Cara were often classified under the heading "you couldn't make these things up" and we often joked about how we should write a book about some of experiences.

Well, the book never quite got underway so instead I am going to recount some of the bizarre and amusing incidents on my blog. So here is the first chapter, ladies and gentlemen I present the concept of seafood terrorism...

On one of our many drunken nights out Cara had met a chap called Gary, a few dates had happened but in the end they settled on er, what I shall politely call "an arrangement". This arrangement had been going on for a few months when we bumped into him in town. We wrongly assumed that at the end of the evening the arrangement would, well, 'be arranged'; but for some reason that night it was not to be.

In the morning Cara awoke to find a text from him asking if "your friend REBECCA is single?". Cara being the totally top bird that she is asked me if I was interested. Er, hello? hang on a minute... he's been seeing YOU? why is he asking about ME??? you just don't do that right? right?

Naturally both Cara and I were incensed about this, not least because he didn't even know my name and started to joke about what revenge we could wreak on him. One thing we started joking about was the urban myth about the woman who put prawns in her cheating husband's curtain pole so that they rotted in the summer and caused quite a stench with him being totally vexed at where the aroma was emanating from. Cara and I joked that Gary was too good for king prawns and that we'd have to use crabsticks instead.

Some weeks passed and we found ourselves at a 40th birthday party at a pub which happened to be very near to where Gary lived. A buffet was involved. The buffet featured crabsticks. We had been drinking beer and felt devilish and lo, the plan was hatched. On our next outing to the buffet we secreted 4 or so crabsticks a piece into our handbags wrapped in a napkin.

When the party was over we sneaked around to where he lived, calmly opened up his letterbox and lobbed the fishy treats through. Giggling like schoolchildren we then ran as fast as we could away from the scene of the crime.

The funny thing was Cara actually got a call from him that evening!

So there you are, revenge is a dish best served cold. But if it's seafood then perhaps some brown bread and a nice wedge of lemon.

No names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.